What's the difference between a psychologist and a
magician?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, whereas a
psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
"Doctor," said the receptionist over the phone,
"there's a patient here who thinks he's invisible."
Psychologist: "Well, tell him I can't see him right
now."
A man was walking in the street one day when he was
brutally beaten and robbed.
As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to
be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did
this really needs help!"
Ring
Ring
Cling
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple
personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know
who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7
and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive,
it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press
96969696969696.
If you have a nervous
disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.
If you have amnesia press 8
and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security
number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic
stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder,
please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem,
please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
(Source: PsychologyJokes)
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